Yesterday we had the Labour manifesto launch, with Gordon Brown introduced by a girl called Ellie who is a student, studying in Paris - of course she is. Who last year called for Bordon Brown to resign, of course she did. She also has a blog called the Stiletto Socialist( whos studying in Paris ) - I added that last bit. I am sure this young girl will influence thousands of pensioners, working class people and the rest to vote Labour. She ll really relate to Labours Core Vote.
Today we had the Tory launch which lasted 21 days - or felt like it.
No wonder people are bored with Politics jesus it went on and on and on.
But strangely they said not very much.
Cameron quoted JFK! Yes I was embarrassed too.
Cameron is no JKF.
The questions after were telling.
Sky New Adam Boulton asked a particularly complex question which had Cameron sweating like a pig - all about fox hunting! Not about VAT, or the deficit, or public service cuts, or Income Tax, or Crime or Chris Graying - no he opted for fox hunting for his one and only question.
Now call me cynical but News International which owns Sky, also owns The Sun, News of the World, Times all of which have come out in support of Tories.
How the fuck therefore can Sky News be impartial!
Adam Boulton really looked a complete tit asking that question - and this man is to chair a TV debate. FFS.
Tuesday 13 April 2010
Sunday 11 April 2010
My partner
I ve just noticed I have nt mentioned my partner.
We ve been together for 19 years. A long time in anyones book.
He has his faults as do we all.
But on the whole he is a generous, kind, loving man who I love deeply.
He has in the last 5 years had to go through watching his partner become very ill and recover more than once.
No one should have to deal with that.
I feel guilty because of it.
Feel like he does nt deserve to have had that and like I dont deserve him.
We ve been together for 19 years. A long time in anyones book.
He has his faults as do we all.
But on the whole he is a generous, kind, loving man who I love deeply.
He has in the last 5 years had to go through watching his partner become very ill and recover more than once.
No one should have to deal with that.
I feel guilty because of it.
Feel like he does nt deserve to have had that and like I dont deserve him.
Black Cloud
I mentioned the other day I was feeling depressed following going into remission.
Apparently its quite a common thing, your body/mind gets you through the treatment etc but then when its over you feel like you ve dropped off a cliff.
At the moment is like a huge black cloud in a windless sky.
Nothing seems to budge it.
I find it hard to get up and when I do I find it harder again to eat, or take any notice in anything.
The worst time is around 8/9pm thats when I feel physically sick from it.
My heart pounds, chest hurts and I feel sick to the stomach.
My mind whirls with thoughts of death and I often wonder what is the point and wish it would all end.
Am I suicidal - slightly - but not enough to do it.
Do I wish I d go to sleep and not wake up - often.
Do I wish I did nt feel like this - yes.
Why would nt I?
Apparently its quite a common thing, your body/mind gets you through the treatment etc but then when its over you feel like you ve dropped off a cliff.
At the moment is like a huge black cloud in a windless sky.
Nothing seems to budge it.
I find it hard to get up and when I do I find it harder again to eat, or take any notice in anything.
The worst time is around 8/9pm thats when I feel physically sick from it.
My heart pounds, chest hurts and I feel sick to the stomach.
My mind whirls with thoughts of death and I often wonder what is the point and wish it would all end.
Am I suicidal - slightly - but not enough to do it.
Do I wish I d go to sleep and not wake up - often.
Do I wish I did nt feel like this - yes.
Why would nt I?
Thursday 8 April 2010
Can Cameron be anymore of a wanker.
Cameron today was with Sir Michael Caine - a person with a personal wealth of £45,000,000.
A person who fled the Country in the 1970s because he did nt want to pay UK tax and became a tax exile and contributed nothing to this Countries tax system, the NHS, schools, etc etc for years.
A person who says he will do the same again and again not contribute anything to this Country.
A person who stated in 2009 that people who were unemployed were " layabouts" - so if you ve lost your job because of the recession your a layabout according to Sir Michael.
Nice friends Mr Cameron.
So the wanker bit.
Well Cameron managed to squeeze in 2 Caine film quotes into his speech.
Thats why he s a wanker.
And the great British Media - oh how they laughed.
A person who fled the Country in the 1970s because he did nt want to pay UK tax and became a tax exile and contributed nothing to this Countries tax system, the NHS, schools, etc etc for years.
A person who says he will do the same again and again not contribute anything to this Country.
A person who stated in 2009 that people who were unemployed were " layabouts" - so if you ve lost your job because of the recession your a layabout according to Sir Michael.
Nice friends Mr Cameron.
So the wanker bit.
Well Cameron managed to squeeze in 2 Caine film quotes into his speech.
Thats why he s a wanker.
And the great British Media - oh how they laughed.
Update
Hello thought I d let you see whats been happening on the cancer front and the parents/family front.
Well yesterday went for a follow up appointment at the Northern Centre for Cancer Care.
Everything going as planned, blood tests etc all point to continued remission.
Its now 13 weeks remission.
Thats a quarter of the way through, as I have been told if it does nt return within 52 weeks it is extremely unlikely to return.
Its pretty hard to function though, although I feel ok etc, its a bit like waiting for a fatal accident that you know might come but then again might not. - if that makes sense.
The slightest headache, tiredness in fact any ill feeling and its OMG its back.
So as well as being depressed Im very snappy and short tempered.
My parents have not been in touch since the argument nearly 2 weeks ago.
Which is nice to think after 3 bouts of cancer and finishing chemo etc people who are your family can be so cruel.
I find it rather sick to be honest.
Maybe I just did nt really know my parents.
Or did nt realise they were that bad.
I find it unforgivable to be honest.
Well yesterday went for a follow up appointment at the Northern Centre for Cancer Care.
Everything going as planned, blood tests etc all point to continued remission.
Its now 13 weeks remission.
Thats a quarter of the way through, as I have been told if it does nt return within 52 weeks it is extremely unlikely to return.
Its pretty hard to function though, although I feel ok etc, its a bit like waiting for a fatal accident that you know might come but then again might not. - if that makes sense.
The slightest headache, tiredness in fact any ill feeling and its OMG its back.
So as well as being depressed Im very snappy and short tempered.
My parents have not been in touch since the argument nearly 2 weeks ago.
Which is nice to think after 3 bouts of cancer and finishing chemo etc people who are your family can be so cruel.
I find it rather sick to be honest.
Maybe I just did nt really know my parents.
Or did nt realise they were that bad.
I find it unforgivable to be honest.
Wednesday 7 April 2010
And we're off.
Well the Election campaign has started.
The Tories have the backing of businesses who opposed the minimum wage - remember they predicted job losses then too.
And one of his team has come out of the closet as homophobic - section 28, lack of equality laws, no gays in the military, not introducing civil partnership's etc etc. Just a few of the things the Tories did/did not do in the years they were in power.
And Cameron has said he ll slash public spending on hospitals, schools and the Police and give tax breaks to the very very wealthy.
So nice to see the Tories have indeed changed - they changed back to the right wing, nasty party.
The Tories have the backing of businesses who opposed the minimum wage - remember they predicted job losses then too.
And one of his team has come out of the closet as homophobic - section 28, lack of equality laws, no gays in the military, not introducing civil partnership's etc etc. Just a few of the things the Tories did/did not do in the years they were in power.
And Cameron has said he ll slash public spending on hospitals, schools and the Police and give tax breaks to the very very wealthy.
So nice to see the Tories have indeed changed - they changed back to the right wing, nasty party.
Saturday 3 April 2010
Gene Hunt
I looked at the new Labour Party peoples poster and my heart sank.
Gene Hunt - an unorthodox, anti hero, who fights crime and they choose that to demonise Cameron!
I knew it was a mistake in 2 seconds, why didnt anyone high up?
Im buying the Guardian today - I want a Posh Boy t shirt
Gene Hunt - an unorthodox, anti hero, who fights crime and they choose that to demonise Cameron!
I knew it was a mistake in 2 seconds, why didnt anyone high up?
Im buying the Guardian today - I want a Posh Boy t shirt
Friday 2 April 2010
The real David Cameron
Gay?,fair minded?, not a bigot?
Thinking of voting Tory?
Watch this.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/video/2010/mar/26/david-cameron-gay-times-interview
Thinking of voting Tory?
Watch this.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/video/2010/mar/26/david-cameron-gay-times-interview
A tan like Tony's
I m off to London for 2 days on Sunday, so I ve got a St Tropez Spray Tan booked for tomorrow. No laughing please.
I used to hammer the sunbeds from age 15 but when your getting chemo for cancer its not a good idea to go to hospital with a sunbed tan, plus it realy ages you, which no one wants.
So I had my first St Tropez spray at Debenams - is that spelt right! in Metrocentre a few weeks ago.
Expected to be orange, expected to be streaked expected to be pointed at in the street and mocked.
Instead it looked really naturally, nice brown colour and really even. A bit like Blairs at Sedgefield the other day!
Its free too. How?
I hear you ask
Because at the moment if you spend £20 on St Tropez stuff u get a free spray tan!
And no wrinkles or skin cancer!
I used to hammer the sunbeds from age 15 but when your getting chemo for cancer its not a good idea to go to hospital with a sunbed tan, plus it realy ages you, which no one wants.
So I had my first St Tropez spray at Debenams - is that spelt right! in Metrocentre a few weeks ago.
Expected to be orange, expected to be streaked expected to be pointed at in the street and mocked.
Instead it looked really naturally, nice brown colour and really even. A bit like Blairs at Sedgefield the other day!
Its free too. How?
I hear you ask
Because at the moment if you spend £20 on St Tropez stuff u get a free spray tan!
And no wrinkles or skin cancer!
Not Voting Labour?
Apparently some people wont vote Labour this time because of the Iraq War.
Im voting Labour because of the minimum wage, equality laws, civil partnerships, record investment in schools and hospitals, smaller class sizes, an improved NHS, more Police, lower crime, low mortgage rates, lower unemployment levels, the winter fuel allowance, the 2 week cancer guarantee, increased state pensions, the ban on hunting with dogs, increased foreign aid, tax credits for families, sure start for families, the 50% tax rate on the very wealthy, bringing the Country through a worldwide recession, not increasing VAT.
And your not voting Labour because of the Iraq War?
Im voting Labour because of the minimum wage, equality laws, civil partnerships, record investment in schools and hospitals, smaller class sizes, an improved NHS, more Police, lower crime, low mortgage rates, lower unemployment levels, the winter fuel allowance, the 2 week cancer guarantee, increased state pensions, the ban on hunting with dogs, increased foreign aid, tax credits for families, sure start for families, the 50% tax rate on the very wealthy, bringing the Country through a worldwide recession, not increasing VAT.
And your not voting Labour because of the Iraq War?
NHS
Over the last 4 years I have had the misfortune to have had cancer 3 times.
Three different types but all linked to my Lymphatic system.
All of them could have proved fatal.
I have all my treatmenmt on the NHS.
I have been treat by 3 hospitals in Newcastle Upon Tyne and the Chelsea and Westminster in London.
I have had in total over half 12 scans on PET scanners, MRI, CT and ultra sounds.
The PET scanner cost 1 million, the CT scanner half a million.
I have had chemo therapy, radiotherapy and 2 lots of mono cell treatments using a drug costing £15,000 a time.
I have seen 2 professors, 4 consultants, 3 registrars and dozens of nurses.
The most I have had to wait for treatment, scans, appointments is 2 weeks.
Without the treatment I would be dead.
Im not dead.
Im very much alive, in remission and doing extremely well.
I dread to think if the in 1997 the Labour Party had not won the election, when people waited over 2 years for operations and waited in corridors.
And I dread to think what will happend if Labour do not win the 2010 election.
Dont you?
Three different types but all linked to my Lymphatic system.
All of them could have proved fatal.
I have all my treatmenmt on the NHS.
I have been treat by 3 hospitals in Newcastle Upon Tyne and the Chelsea and Westminster in London.
I have had in total over half 12 scans on PET scanners, MRI, CT and ultra sounds.
The PET scanner cost 1 million, the CT scanner half a million.
I have had chemo therapy, radiotherapy and 2 lots of mono cell treatments using a drug costing £15,000 a time.
I have seen 2 professors, 4 consultants, 3 registrars and dozens of nurses.
The most I have had to wait for treatment, scans, appointments is 2 weeks.
Without the treatment I would be dead.
Im not dead.
Im very much alive, in remission and doing extremely well.
I dread to think if the in 1997 the Labour Party had not won the election, when people waited over 2 years for operations and waited in corridors.
And I dread to think what will happend if Labour do not win the 2010 election.
Dont you?
How not to bring up a gay child
As I ve already said Im gay and have been all my life. Im one of the growing majority that think that if your gay its not because of enviroment or upbringing. And is therefore not a choice but just a fact. The people who argue that I choose to be gay obviously think Im a bit thick too and want to be treat like a second class citizen, be judged, condemed, unable to have children etc etc.
When I was growing up and reached my early teens I did nt know I was gay. I did know I was different.
But did nt know why that was. I knew I didnt "fancy" girls or fantasise about them and felt out of place from my peers all of whom could nt wait to feel a girls breast or, well you get the picture.
At that time I did nt realise I was attracted to boys. Though I knew I had crushes on boys and certain teachers.
As I developed those crushes became more intense, I became more isolated from my straight friends and I soon worked out I was a "puff". The word gay was nt used much at my school, if at all.
In fact it was rarely used anywhere. Queer, homo, bum boy, eventually fag, arse bandit, they were the words I would hear when referring to anyone gay.
Thankfully through some deliberate concealment on my part these words were never used against me at school.
However there was one boy at my school, a year older, who these words were targeted at, every single day.
I never knew his name. But everyday for 2 long years I would see him spat on, punched, abused verbally and physically, in school and out and no one did anything about it. Including teachers.
So from I learnt that unless I hid my sexuality completely I too would be subject to this hate filled assault and abuse.
So what was my home life like at this time. Well my parents were very ordinary working class people who like most people were a bit prejudice, a bit judgemental.
But never particularly voiced their prejudice anymore than anyone else.
By the time I reached 16/17 I was pretty much a loner, I d visit the cinema alone and go shopping into town alone.
Not because I could not make friends but because I was frightened to befriend in case my secret should come to light.
I d never had sex, and tried my best not even to think about it. After all we were nt given gay sex education at school, in fact it was never ever mentioned.
By 18/19 I did have friends. I had got a job in a bar in town which employed lots of diverse young people, including a couple of gay ones.
I felt comfortable and at ease in their company. I still had not had sex.
At home things were strained. Having to hide my real self was taking its toll.
My mother met a friend from my work in town and was appalled at how camp he was. She made great play of taking the piss out of his mannerisims to my father on our return home, much to my humiliation.
She would go through my pockets and remove condoms!, and other comments were made about how I dressed or friends I had made. None of those comments supportive.
I felt my parents would hate me if they knew I was gay. They d feel let down, betrayed and disgusted. A figure of ridicule and pity.
Not long after I thought I feel in love.
He was a bit older than me, tall, handsome, blond and great to be around. He was also bisexual.
I was the happiest I d ever been.
It did nt last of course and when it ended I was devastated and wrote a self pitying letter which I hid under my matress.
My mother found the letter.
Apparently they d always known I was gay.
I needed to have an AIDS test.
Maybe your bisexual, like Elton John.
I d always be lonely.
Freddie Mercury deserved to die, it was self inflicted.
They were just some of things they said to me.
Id still never had sex.
But now I did nt care my remaining self respect was destroyed, my confidence taken away - I was as I had always suspected to be disgusted, ridiculed and hated.
Move forward several years, my parents think I have a problem with being gay.
They think they dont and never have done.
They like Paul O Grady and Sean from Corrie.
And have never made be feel uncomfortable about my sexuality, ever. Thats what they say.
Last weekend I had my first row with my parents. I told them they treat my differently and were homophobic.
I mentioned it took them 15 years to send my partner of 19 years regular xmas/birthday cards. Whilst my straight brothers girlfriend and her children received gifts from day one.
I mentioned that my partner sent them cards and gifts from day one but they never thanked him.
Yet my brothers girlfriends gifts resulted in tears of appreciation.
I mentioned the piss taking, name calling of a sons friends and the humilation I d felt. Actions they did when according to them they knew their son was gay.
I m making it up they said.
None of it happened they said.
Why had I not mentioned it before now they said.
It was my fault because I d never opened up to them they said.
And I remember back to school to the lad being spat on, punched and abused everyday.
And I remember back to my mother relishing telling my dad about how effeminate one of my friends was and how funny they found it as she demonstrated his limp wrist and slight lisp.
But then I remember they re not homophobic and never have been because they say they re not.
So how can they be.
When I was growing up and reached my early teens I did nt know I was gay. I did know I was different.
But did nt know why that was. I knew I didnt "fancy" girls or fantasise about them and felt out of place from my peers all of whom could nt wait to feel a girls breast or, well you get the picture.
At that time I did nt realise I was attracted to boys. Though I knew I had crushes on boys and certain teachers.
As I developed those crushes became more intense, I became more isolated from my straight friends and I soon worked out I was a "puff". The word gay was nt used much at my school, if at all.
In fact it was rarely used anywhere. Queer, homo, bum boy, eventually fag, arse bandit, they were the words I would hear when referring to anyone gay.
Thankfully through some deliberate concealment on my part these words were never used against me at school.
However there was one boy at my school, a year older, who these words were targeted at, every single day.
I never knew his name. But everyday for 2 long years I would see him spat on, punched, abused verbally and physically, in school and out and no one did anything about it. Including teachers.
So from I learnt that unless I hid my sexuality completely I too would be subject to this hate filled assault and abuse.
So what was my home life like at this time. Well my parents were very ordinary working class people who like most people were a bit prejudice, a bit judgemental.
But never particularly voiced their prejudice anymore than anyone else.
By the time I reached 16/17 I was pretty much a loner, I d visit the cinema alone and go shopping into town alone.
Not because I could not make friends but because I was frightened to befriend in case my secret should come to light.
I d never had sex, and tried my best not even to think about it. After all we were nt given gay sex education at school, in fact it was never ever mentioned.
By 18/19 I did have friends. I had got a job in a bar in town which employed lots of diverse young people, including a couple of gay ones.
I felt comfortable and at ease in their company. I still had not had sex.
At home things were strained. Having to hide my real self was taking its toll.
My mother met a friend from my work in town and was appalled at how camp he was. She made great play of taking the piss out of his mannerisims to my father on our return home, much to my humiliation.
She would go through my pockets and remove condoms!, and other comments were made about how I dressed or friends I had made. None of those comments supportive.
I felt my parents would hate me if they knew I was gay. They d feel let down, betrayed and disgusted. A figure of ridicule and pity.
Not long after I thought I feel in love.
He was a bit older than me, tall, handsome, blond and great to be around. He was also bisexual.
I was the happiest I d ever been.
It did nt last of course and when it ended I was devastated and wrote a self pitying letter which I hid under my matress.
My mother found the letter.
Apparently they d always known I was gay.
I needed to have an AIDS test.
Maybe your bisexual, like Elton John.
I d always be lonely.
Freddie Mercury deserved to die, it was self inflicted.
They were just some of things they said to me.
Id still never had sex.
But now I did nt care my remaining self respect was destroyed, my confidence taken away - I was as I had always suspected to be disgusted, ridiculed and hated.
Move forward several years, my parents think I have a problem with being gay.
They think they dont and never have done.
They like Paul O Grady and Sean from Corrie.
And have never made be feel uncomfortable about my sexuality, ever. Thats what they say.
Last weekend I had my first row with my parents. I told them they treat my differently and were homophobic.
I mentioned it took them 15 years to send my partner of 19 years regular xmas/birthday cards. Whilst my straight brothers girlfriend and her children received gifts from day one.
I mentioned that my partner sent them cards and gifts from day one but they never thanked him.
Yet my brothers girlfriends gifts resulted in tears of appreciation.
I mentioned the piss taking, name calling of a sons friends and the humilation I d felt. Actions they did when according to them they knew their son was gay.
I m making it up they said.
None of it happened they said.
Why had I not mentioned it before now they said.
It was my fault because I d never opened up to them they said.
And I remember back to school to the lad being spat on, punched and abused everyday.
And I remember back to my mother relishing telling my dad about how effeminate one of my friends was and how funny they found it as she demonstrated his limp wrist and slight lisp.
But then I remember they re not homophobic and never have been because they say they re not.
So how can they be.
A Warm Welcome to one and all.
Well, this is my first blog.
Bye.
Not good enough, oh, what I ve got to actually write stuff. Shit, didnt think of that. Oh well here goes nothing.
Well best tell you a bit about me I suppose.
Live in Newcastle upon Tyne, where I was born.
Love the 80s - a very underestimated era I feel.
Love animals, got 2 fantstic dogs, which are my world. Im gay or a faggot as my brother shouted from his window the other day - more on that later. Love Politics and am a Blairite New Labour supporter.
Really enjoy live music and have seen people like Paul McCartney, Elton, Pet Shop Boys, Take That, Streisand( im gay remember), FGTH, Culture Club, Duran Duran and loads more.
I m opinonated, stubborn and of course always right.
So thats me, oh yes.
And Im in remission from Lymphoma for 12 weeks yesterday, some of you maybe interested in that bit.
So what will I be blogging about - well who knows you ll just have to wait and see.
Everything and nothing I expect.
Thanks for reading.
Back soon.
Bye.
Not good enough, oh, what I ve got to actually write stuff. Shit, didnt think of that. Oh well here goes nothing.
Well best tell you a bit about me I suppose.
Live in Newcastle upon Tyne, where I was born.
Love the 80s - a very underestimated era I feel.
Love animals, got 2 fantstic dogs, which are my world. Im gay or a faggot as my brother shouted from his window the other day - more on that later. Love Politics and am a Blairite New Labour supporter.
Really enjoy live music and have seen people like Paul McCartney, Elton, Pet Shop Boys, Take That, Streisand( im gay remember), FGTH, Culture Club, Duran Duran and loads more.
I m opinonated, stubborn and of course always right.
So thats me, oh yes.
And Im in remission from Lymphoma for 12 weeks yesterday, some of you maybe interested in that bit.
So what will I be blogging about - well who knows you ll just have to wait and see.
Everything and nothing I expect.
Thanks for reading.
Back soon.
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