Black Cloud

I mentioned the other day I was feeling depressed following going into remission.
Apparently its quite a common thing, your body/mind gets you through the treatment etc but then when its over you feel like you ve dropped off a cliff.

At the moment is like a huge black cloud in a windless sky.
Nothing seems to budge it.
I find it hard to get up and when I do I find it harder again to eat, or take any notice in anything.
The worst time is around 8/9pm thats when I feel physically sick from it.
My heart pounds, chest hurts and I feel sick to the stomach.
My mind whirls with thoughts of death and I often wonder what is the point and wish it would all end.
Am I suicidal - slightly - but not enough to do it.
Do I wish I d go to sleep and not wake up - often.
Do I wish I did nt feel like this - yes.
Why would nt I?